Wednesday, September 2, 2009

Geek Chic: A Modern Proposal

H1N1 is attacking our schools. It’s another plague! With hand sanitizer in every room and around every corner of every hallway and encouraging students to use it every time they touch anything, sanitizer must be taking a toll on the school system budget--hand sanitizer that will eventually kill our immune systems making us more vulnerable to currently harmless diseases. A common cold will become the whooping cough, and chicken pox will become small pox. We will die. So in order to protect ourselves and our resources, the school board should order Hazmat suits for every student.

This would solve a multitude of problems. First and foremost, disease prevention. It would keep airborne viruses from spreading and fluid spreading. The Hazmats will prevent lip locking, or tongue twisting in some cases, in the hallway by making it harder to do so. There will be no reason to sanitize hands if no one can touch anything besides the inside of their own suit, acting similarly to a condom. This comparison may also lower teen pregnancy rates in teaching safe sex. Hazmats can be reused, with going through at least two bags of sanitizer per post a day, surely the cost of Hazmats will be less than a continuing supply of sanitizer.

I’d bet that Hazmats can be the next fashion trend, partly due to force. Decorate them by painting on them. Personalize, stylize, and accessorize your Hazmat. They can come in a variety of colors, and you can even make them unique to you. I’m going to do mine in green and paint the Irish flag on it. And maybe a small picture of Danny DeVito in his tighty whities. I know I needz to haz a Hazmat!

1 comment:

  1. You could even get form-fitting ones, just to make sure teens can still alienate each other based on physical appearance!